Why is it so hard........when I try to let go it feels like my heart stops beating. Almost like this overwhelming fear takes over and I just give up. I feel short of breath, and my eyes fill up with more pain than sorrow. I just want to run and run and run and never look back.
When I speak of letting go. I am talking about the past and what hurts the most, not the loss of a loved one or losing a good friend. My heart still struggles with a very old wound that I have carried around for too long. I thought that I had dealt with it quite some time ago, however I think that I was still hoping for a miracle to come. Acceptance is all that I want, from the one person that I cant get it from. Today my therapist told me what if you can't and never get it...I have heard this from everyone. You know those that love me the most have been telling me this for quite sometime...my wife has said it the most(I love you Brenda).
How do you forgive yourself. How do you ask for help to let it go...and move on and not let it ruin your life. How do you ask God to take this pain from my spirit. I am scared. I don't know how to do it, or maybe I just don't want to do it and just keep hoping for a miracle.
This weekend I saw my granny, it must have been about 7 years since we last saw each other. If anyone has ever accepted me it was her, she never looked at my faults she just loved me. Good Lord I am going to miss her when she is gone.
I just want to move on and be the man that God wants me to be, to love and accept like my granny, be passionate like my wife, and laugh like my kids.
Chad
I am a good dad, man, and loving husband
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6 comments:
The question I ask is how long are you going to devote energy into something that causes so much pain? She was right...what if you never get it? Will you waste away a lifetime trying to accomplish the impossible, or will you devote the rest of your life to your children and wife.
Forgivness is not about others, it is about yourself and when you love yourself enough to let go of the hurts that bring you down, joy will fill your heart and spirit.
Miracles do happen, on God's timing...not on ours. When we try to control the miracle, it won't happen. Let go of it and let God take over. Love you.
Gods timing was right when he blessed me with you
I will be strong when you are weak. I love you!
Dude! You've got to let this go and update the blog!!!
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